I should have known when this years “hot pick” for the Oscars was a 3.5 hour Scorsese epic parade of history’s favorite farty old men that it was a harbinger of bad decisions to come. Every single one of the movies I definitely don’t want to see made the 2020 nominations cut, unlike almost all of the ones on my list that actually looked interesting. Glad I leveraged my few weeks of ignorance to enjoy Hustlers and The Farewell before the the dark cloud of  “white guys having a hard time” moved in. Forecast for the next month is 100% chance of heavy eye rolling with a side order of falling asleep before the end credits.

Cue also this year’s roundup of “shocking Oscar snubs” articles – but don’t be fooled,  nothing here is shocking. The Academy is like ” We honored some black people last year! Wasn’t that enough?” And of course, as is tradition, most female directed (and driven) films were sent to the chum factory to make way at the big kids table for the menfolk. It’s still infuriating, but it’s not new.

Please (always) be reminded that the Academy Awards is not an accurate or valuable judge of film quality. Its only real value (beyond the fire red carpet looks) is to highlight the gender, race, and socioeconomic biases of some dusty old boomers whose taste in movies is roughly akin to that of adults who order off the children’s menu. Which is to say, bland and familiar. I know that there are a few good ones in the mix that don’t deserve my scorn (Little Women and Parasite, obvi). But I mourn the films that aren’t coming to my neighborhood now with their lack of Academy endorsement, and have plans to fully atone in February for what I am about to do. Queen & Slim, The Body Remembers When the World Broke Open, Atlantics, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Clemency, The Souvenir (more complete list TBA)… I’m coming back for you!

Come play with us

In the meantime, if you’re interested in going on this ill-fated chicken nugget binge of an Oscar Sprint with me, misery loves company.

This jaunty button will download the official 2020 fillable Oscar Sprint spreadsheet™. That’s 53 mostly not-great movies (the shorts are usually ok!) to see before February 9th. If you’re Portland Area, the Nickelodeon has a bunch showing now and usually gets the Best Pictures noms back in if they have already gone. PMA Films also has all the shorts already on the calendar. Save for the doc and foreign categories, you should be able to Redbox or stream the rest.